I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
