I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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