I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
