I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
