Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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