And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
