3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
