I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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