Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
