His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
