I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
