he was CRYING into my vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
