i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Alive.
So much puke
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
