What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
