Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
