thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
