So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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