I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
