He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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