I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
