I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
