I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
