its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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