just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
