well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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