can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
