dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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