He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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