my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
