I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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