i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
