you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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