i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
