Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
