It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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