soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
