that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
