I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
