Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
