am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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