you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
