'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
