grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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