Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
