apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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