If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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