Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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