I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
