btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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