I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
