You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Floor bacon is actually really good
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
