I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am available for nakedness
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