i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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