You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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