So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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