toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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