hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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