oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
