We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
