I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
