My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
