Got a toothbrush?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
