So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My cat gives me a boner
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
