i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
