Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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