Moan for me like Helen Keller
In America we eat man semen.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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