The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
