Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Still dying that you shit outside
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
